I had a birthday this week. I'm not telling you how old I turned. Why? Because a couple of weeks ago I saw Christiane Northrup MD speak at her book launch (her book being Goddesses Never Age) and she said never to tell anyone how old you are. So I can't.

But, but, but...... the thing to know about me, is that as well as being very easily influenced (by the likes of Christiane) I'm also an open book.  Which means I'm left torn between telling you how old I turned AND trying to be a Goddess that Never ages. Dilema!

This torn feeling has become all too familiar in the past six months as I've made some pretty radical changes from the self I'd become over the rest of my life. The way I eat (organic, mostly vegan), exercise (more yoga), what I read (bye bye novels, hello spirtual self help), how I spend my down time (studying to be a health coach). And plenty more. In essence, I have become more what 'they' (who are they I never know?) would call spiritual. However, it's confession time. I am not always this vegan, yoga, healthy cooking, water guzzling, 8 hours of sleeping, organic shopping instagram version of myself. 

You know that current buzzword authentic? Well because I am inherently honest, I also really value authenticity - and kind of demand it of myself. Even if it's cool to say it right now. This is no big shift, it's a part of me at the core. Spirtual box checked, gold star for me.  Only that also means I can't just check a box, I have to be true to me (and you). 

With that, here is what I did on my birthday (well the day of my party, last Saturday in NYC).

I rose and had some hot lemon and ginger tea. I walked my doggy to up to Joe's coffee and had an almond milk latte (I gave up coffee and dairy BUT allow myself one a week). Then we hit Central park and enjoyed some early spring (felt like summer) - the sun was shining, the air was warm, the cherry blossoms were out as were all the smiley people! Rather than keep my gym plans, I did some yoga and a little circuit training in the great outdoors.  I felt so full of love, happiness and fully alive, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. 

The afternoon was good stuff of a different nature. Being the center of attention, I wanted to look amazing on my birthday night out. So, I spent it getting my hair and make up done. And perfecting my outfit (after spending some serious cash on a new skirt and also getting botox earlier in the week - told you I am honest). Then in the evening, I went out and met a huge group of friends for a super fun mexican dinner and lots of drinks. Definitely more than is  considered healthy. It was thoroughly awesome, I had a fantastic night. Both my spiritual self and my ego had a ball. And I looked pretty right?!

For my birthday this year, I've decided to retire my quest for spiritual perfection. To understand that in fact there is no perfection, there is only progress and love. I've made a lot of it. That's to be celebrated.  And so I will continue to crowd in lots of good and healthy stuff, the more the better.  In between times, I will release the guilt. Bye bye guilt, you are like so last year.

As it turns out, I'm not only celebrating another year on this awesome planet. I'm celebrating my personal development. My wisdom. My yang. And my still holding on tightly style ego.

I lost the guilt. And I turned 44. 

PS. my big birthday night out of course resulted in me feeling super average on Sunday and deciding to not repeat said behavior for a verrrrry long time.  And I couldn't wait to get back to my spirituality loving lifestyle.  No guilt required.